Therapy
by Belker
Summary: DiNozzo is forced to deal with the aftermath of Twilight. He's not happy.
1. Chapter 1

_This is set after Twilight and Kill Ari, so spoilers for that. It's meant to become a three-shot. Hope my working hours agree. Enjoy!_

_Oh, and I should probably throw in a disclaimer too, because I don't own anything. Just playing, and having fun with borrowed toys._

* * *

**Therapy**

_Chapter 1._

The office is very nice, with expensive furniture and beautiful pictures on the walls. He eyes the mandatory framed diplomas. 'Certified Shrink'. 'Best of the Best'. Right.

The thick, soft carpet on the floor muffles all the sounds and this reminds him of his childhood home. He feels sick to his stomach.

As he sits down on the sofa, the _divan, _he gives the good doctor a lighthearted smile. He knows it doesn't reach his eyes and he couldn't care less. Still, he is met with a friendly gaze. They burn into him like beacons, those kind, brown eyes do, and he resists the urge to squirm in his seat. He'd rather deal with a Gibbs-glare than this.

"Do you know why you are here, Special Agent DiNozzo?" The voice is soft, kind even.

"Because my boss ordered me to. And it's Tony."

"All right." Those god dammed, warm eyes again. Now they're _twinkling_. "And why would he do that, do you think, Tony?"

"--"

His mind is suddenly alight with the images of her falling body. Of Kate's dead body.

* * *

He didn't think Ari was posing that big a threat. He had smirked at Kate when she was showing her concern over Gibbs obsession. Maybe he didn't want to take it seriously, because that would make it real. The threat against all of them.

He hadn't known that the son of a bitch was targeting Kate, and when McGee had told him that Ari had "a thing" for Kate, he had been truly shocked. He'd thought she would tell him anything. Apparently not everything.

She had been targeted and he had been slacking. If only he had…

He was clawing at the burn marks after her blood on his face. And he felt so ailing, so empty inside.

He had let her die.

* * *

"--"

"Anthony?"

"Because I killed someone."

"No, you didn't."

"I just as well could have."

**TBC**

* * *

_Hey, Bethellie, is this angsty enough for you? ;) There will be more to come._


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

**Therapy**

* * *

_Chapter 2._

"Do you miss her?"

"Huh?" He meets that intense gaze again, his own eyes foggy with remembrance.

"Agent Todd", the doc says lightly. "Do you miss her?"

_Miss her? _Tony wants to laugh out loud at that. He very nearly does too, but stops himself in time. Laughing like a crazy-man when somebody you loved recently passed away is frowned upon in today's society.

The gaze traps him again and his laughter gets stuck in his throat. He can't speak for several seconds and almost loses his self-control. He hates it when that happens. The silence grows thick.

"Yes", he finally admits, voice as even and calm as ever. He hides his trembling hands in his pockets. Oh, yeah, he's a real undercover genius.

"She was your partner." That's the shrink way of saying 'you should be out of your mind with grief'; Tony knows this.

"Yes."

"More than just a partner, perhaps?"

This is one question he will not answer. YES, more than just a partner. She was his _sister_, his coworker, his _best_ friend, and oh, GOD he misses her…

He closes his eyes and pretends to be brooding over the question, before he smiles coolly yet again. Changes his focus. "Shouldn't we be discussing my childhood or somethin'?" The vile phrase drips from his mouth.

The shrink lets this pass. He sighs and leans back in his chair, fingers intertwined. His lips are pursed.

"How _do_ you cope with her death, Tony?"

"--"

_Simple. I don't._

* * *

He had gone after Ari that night. Out into the cold, rainy night. If his lungs had had any say in the matter they would have ordered him to stay inside, maybe catch up on some sleep, but luckily, lungs do not get to vote. So he'd stayed out all night, and the night after that. He was more tired at this point than he had been at Bethesda, trying hard not to drown, but this somehow made him feel a bit better. It made him feel like he was trying to make a difference. Of course, the truth was that there wouldn't be a difference. Kate would never wake up again.

He roamed the streets, pulled all of his old strings, and even beat up Mickey the informant, but to no avail. Nobody had seen or heard of Haswari.

The frustration almost consumed him, but he wouldn't let it. He now felt the boundless wrath that Gibbs must've felt all along and he couldn't stop himself.

Then Ari was found dead in Gibbs basement and the air kind of rushed out of him. He felt bereft somehow.

* * *

"--"

"Anthony?"

"I killed someone."

"No, you _didn't." _Now those eyes are creased with worry.

"Oh, but I wanted to."

**TBC**

* * *

_Tonyboy is ANGRY.  
I'm trying with more dialouge here, since I suck at writing it. And, yes, "MORE" in my case isn't that much, I realize. PLEASE, tell me what you think, how I can improve._


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello, my friends! Here's the final installment of Tony in therapy. I've been struggling with this one; hope you enjoy the angst..._

**

* * *

**

Therapy

_Chapter 3_

"What made you this angry, Tony?" he is asked after a minute of silence.

"I'm not angry," he answers evenly. "I'm immature."

"Is that what you want other people to think?"

"People see what they want to see."

"Then _tell_ _me_ what is really troubling you."

He glares back at the fine doctor for a good length of time. Neither of them breaks the gaze.

Of course, Doc has had good training in doing this. Those eyes are relentless.

"You really _do_ want me to talk about my childhood, don't you?" he finally snorts. Mockery creeps into his voice. "Because in there lie all the answers, right? The troubled child of your past follows you around, in the shadows, until you're too weak to resist and then jumps you, isn't that it?"

The kind eyes are now on the verge of being openly concerned and he realizes that he should back off. He has revealed too much. He's not daft, this shrink. He sees things.

"What made you this angry?" Doc asks again, softly.

"--"

* * *

_Kate's lying still on the roof. She's not breathing. _

_--_

_His mother's lying still on the floor. She's not breathing. _

* * *

"It's all your fault!!" his father roared, shaking with anger.

For once Tony couldn't contain his hurt. "No, it's not, Dad! _It's not!"_

"You killed her! You really killed her!"

"No, I didn't", he openly sobbed. Salty tears stung his eyes as he was trying to make his father listen. "I didn't _know_ she took all those pills at once, honest!"

"You killed her! Oh, my own fucking son…"

"Please." He was crying now.

"..you're not my son anymore. Not my son …"

"Dad. Please…"

* * *

"--"

"Anthony?"

"I killed someone", he answers quietly, realizing he's been drifting off again.

"No. No, you _didn't, Tony_!"

He stares into space. Into some distant hell only he can see.

"Then why does it feel like it?"

* * *

**The (disturbing?) End**


End file.
